Domestic Violence Outreach Comes to Los Altos

Like many women in Los Altos, "Patty" lives in a large home and is happily married with children.

At least, that’s what her friends think.

Little do they know that she works from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. not because she loves her job, but because she fears going home to her abusive husband. On her drive home she constantly wonders, Is he going to be nice to me tonight?

One in four women is a victim of domestic violence. Chances are some women that you pass on your way to get Starbucks downtown or that you see picking up her kids from school is suffering in silence from domestic violence, said Ruth Patrick, program director and founder of Women-of-Means Escape Network Silicon Valley (WOMEN SV).

“There’s a perception that just because a woman is intelligent, educated and lives in a nice neighborhood means it doesn’t happen to her,” said Patrick, who started the organization specifically for the unique needs of fellow residents of Los Altos and Los Altos Hills.

“I’m puncturing that. It does happen across all social statuses and professions.” 

You see it in local police logs, in plain sight among mundane incidents of barking dogs and accidental 911 calls. Earlier this month, sheriff's deputies were called to a 7,000 square-foot Los Altos Hills home and arrested a man for committing a felony while on bail, violating a protective order, making threats with intent to terrorize, and inflicting injury on his spouse. Just last week, Los Altos police arrested a man who violated a restraining order at a home in north Los Altos.

Even though many women hide the fact that they are being abused, that does not mean that we can ignore the mistreatment of women in our community, Patrick said.

When a close friend was being abused, Patrick realized the lack of resources for women suffering from domestic violence in the Los Altos community. She responded to that need by creating WOMEN SV, a nonprofit program of the Los Altos Community Foundation.

Santa Clara County ranks in the top 25 most affluent counties in the United States, yet county-wide there were 16 deaths related to domestic violence in 2011, according to the Santa Clara County Public Health Department. That equates to more than one murder per month on average.

Los Altos police chief Tuck Younis told Patrick that he believes domestic violence is under-reported in our area.

Part of the problem is disbelief: This can’t be happening to me. I live in a nice, big house with a successful husband. 

“They get tied into the trappings of success,” said Patrick. But all of her money is his money, leaving her no real financial resources. 

Many women realize they are victims of domestic violence once they compare their lives to their friends’, said Patrick.

“It’s a dawning awareness,” she said. “They take a chance and tell something small to a friend.”

Admitting that she is being abused and potentially destroying her perfect image in the community can deter women from speaking out against the violence they face.

So can the forces a successful—but abusive—husband can array against his wife. Abusers in affluent communities are much better at controlling their wives because of knowledge and access to technology, financial means and the ability to deploy high-priced, skillful lawyers.

Some women take antidepressants or other medications as a result of being abused, Patrick said. The abuser could spin the story into her being crazy and fictionalizing the domestic violence because of the medication.

Often times the loss of financial control scares women away from getting out, Patrick said. If children are involved, the custody of them is at risk, especially since he can hire a lawyer that she could not afford.

Patrick offers resources to help women face those intimidating threats. With a strategy guide, she helps women evaluate various factors to decide whether they should stay in or leave a relationship. Regardless of what she decides, Patrick provides tips such as cell phone usage since the abuser can track who she’s calling and what she’s doing.

Finding the right legal help has been the problem for women, Patrick discovered. A woman typically asks friends for a referral or looks in a book to find a lawyer.

Just because a lawyer has worked well for someone else in a different circumstance doesn’t mean he would represent a domestic violence case well. “One woman got a lawyer who typically represents abusers,” said Patrick.

Patrick connects women to lawyers with experience handling domestic violence cases from the side of the victim. They counsel women on aspects particular to her case, such as dividing and managing financial assets so that she receives a fair share.

Counselors with experience in domestic violence situations provide legal, educational and financial support.

Since the official launch of WOMEN SV in March, Patrick has worked with nine women. “It scares me how many more there are out there,” said Patrick.

Patrick recently spoke to the Los Altos City Council about her outreach program for female victims of domestic violence.

Patrick said that many women don’t know what to do or where to go once they realize they are victims of domestic violence. WOMEN SV provides answers to those questions.

“It doesn’t matter what step you take first, just as long as you take a step,” said Patrick.

To contact Women-of-Means Escape Network, call 650-996-2200 or email womensv@losaltoscf.org.